Katawa pirates
by CosmicIdiot
Summary: A short silly Emi one shot. At Emi's request; Yamaku high school holds a pirate day. Even though most of the other students think it's stupid Emi, Hisao and Rin set off in search of the treasure hidden somewhere in the school. However they are not alone in looking for it Captain's Lily and Shizune are also looking for it.


"Avast Landlubber I am Captain Shark Eye Ibarazaki, scourge of the seven seas and plunderer of many ships" she said enthusiastically as she bounced up to Hisao. They were outside the main school area. A colorful banner labeled pirate day hung nearby.

"Really? You look like Emi in a silly costume to me" Hisao said. Emi was wearing a red and white striped top with an eye patch, and a big pirate's hat on her head in her hand she carried a wooden sword.

"Hisao its pirates day, try to get into it" Emi looked disapproving.

"I still can't believe you talked the student council into doing this" Hisao said.

"They loved the idea, especially Misha, its great Hisao, a whole day dedicated to pirates! I thought that if I can't run away and be a pirate then this is the next best thing" Emi told him.

"Well at least you're excited about it" Hisao said observing the plucky girls attitude. He wasn't feeling nearly as enthusiastic about it, unlike Emi he wasn't wearing a costume and Hisao doubted he even would have come along at all if it hadn't been his girlfriends' idea.

"What's not to be excited about? it's a very fun day for everyone?" Emi said joyfully "besides you're my boyfriend Hisao this is a chance to do a romantic activity together."

"It's more like a kid's activity" Hisao muttered.

Emi scowled at him "Pirates day is fun for all the family Hisao." Her face brightened as she spotted her friend wandering about nearby "Hey Rin, come over here" she called.

Rin wandered over to them wearing an eye patch and fake hooks at the end of her stumps.

"Arr its two hooked Rin, scourge of the seven seas" Emi said heartily.

"I thought you were scourge of the seven seas, come up with some more pirate titles" Hisao said but Emi ignored him "look landlubber Hisao, Rin bothered with a costume why couldn't you?"

"Hello Emi and Hisao" Rin said "Happy Pirate day."

"I'm not Emi I'm Shark Eye Ibraski" Emi insisted.

Rin did a double take "Oh sorry I really thought you were my friend Emi my mistake" she said starting to walk away.

"No wait Rin! I really am Emi" she said lifting her eye patch and winking.

"I see" Rin nodded "your just using an alibi for tax evasion, very clever Emi I won't tell anyone."

"No it's role-playing Rin, it makes the whole thing way more fun if we all pretend to be pirates" Emi explained "so you say stuff like me hearty, land lubber and shiver my timbers."

Rin nodded "Yes I understand me hearty shiver my timbers."

"Two hooked Rin get's it!" Emi exclaimed "Now you try Hisao, say walk the plank ye scurvy dog!"

"No" Hisao refused grumpily "I'm taking part in this, isn't that enough?"

"Hisao if you carry on like this your going to let the whole team down" she scolded.

"There are teams in this thing?" Hisao asked.

"Yes there are you really don't know anything about pirate's day do you Hisao?" Emi "me, you and Rin we are a team."

"And what do we compete in?" Hisao asked.

"Treasure finding!" Emi said "There's treasure hidden somewhere on campus and we have to find it."

"So this whole thing is basically just a glorified treasure hunt?" Hisao said.

"It's pirate day!" Emi stressed.

"If this is where the competition starts where is everybody?" Rin asked looking around. Apart from a few students walking around they were the only one's there.

"Oh a lot of people weren't as keen on pirate's day as us so didn't bother to turn up but that's okay it just means we have a better chance of winning" Emi said happily.

"Wait are we the only one's doing this?" Hisao asked. it was the weekend so a few of the students had gone home.

"No we're not, I know for a fact that there are at least two other teams doing this" Emi confirmed.

"How did you get others to compete? did you use some sort of trick?" He asked.

"No tricks Hisao, people just like pirate day, it's a fun break from all the schoolwork people have to do" Emi countered.

"Alright can we go look for the treasure now? I'm getting cold waiting out here" Hisao shivered.

"That's the spirit Hisao! yo ho ho everyone, go team" Emi cheered.

"Yo ho ho" Rin and Hisao replied weakly. They set off from the starting point back towards the school.

"So you don't know where the treasure is then?" Hisao asked.

"No it wouldn't be fun if I did would it Hisao?" Emi answered as they trekked off.

"How are we supposed to find where it is? Do we just have to search the entire school?" he asked as Rin nonchalantly walked behind them.

"uh huh until we find it" Emi confirmed.

"Do you have any ideas?" he asked.

"We should go to the library, I think it will be in there" Emi said.

"Why?" Hisao asked.

"Because there are book's in library, and some books have pirates in so it makes sense that the treasure will be there" she reasoned.

"What kind of logic is that?" he asked.

She pulled a face "Do you have to be so grumpy about this Hisao we're going to the library."

"Okay" Hisao reluctantly agreed.

Emi Rin and Hisao hurried to the library only to find that when they arrived there were already people there.

"Lily where do you think the treasure is?" Hanako asked her blond teammate.

"I don't know, maybe we should try searching the classrooms " Lily answered; for her pirate costume she had two eye patches on instead of one.

"Avast enemies" Emi pointed to them "Those Rotten sea mongrels have reached the library first."

"Hello Lily and Hanako, nice to see you're partaking in pirate's day too" Hisao greeted.

"Is that Hisao?" Lily asked.

"That's first mate Hisao to ye scurvy sea dogs!" Emi cut in.

"Yeah you bastards" Rin agreed and shook her hook at them.

"No Rin use a pirate insult" Emi insisted "refers to them as greasy landlubbers."

"Hanako it seems that we have competition for the treasure, let's make these pirates walk the plank" Lily said calmly in her best pirate voice.

"Aye aye captain" Hanako squeaked "fire the cannons at them."

"Your not going to get away with this" Emi shouted "Hoist the mainsail and sail right at them."

"What are all of you talking about? Planks? Cannons? Ships? We're in a library you know" Hisao pointed out.

"Use your imagination Hisao" Emi drew her wooden sword and charged at Lily "Fight me you lily livered Lily" Emi cried.

"With pleasure, I'll sent you to the bottom of the ocean" Lily claimed drawing her cane and flailing it about wildly "I'll get you Emi! just where are you?"

"Hah I'm not going to reveal my location to the likes of you" Emi boasted before realizing her mistake "oops."

Lily flung her cane in Emi's direction accidentally striking her over the head

"Ow that hurt" Emi shouted.

"Oh sorry I didn't mean to actually hurt you. Are you okay?" Lily said gently.

"Yeah I'm fine, it just stings a bit" Emi said rubbing her head.

"In that case scram ye curs before I pickle your gizzards!" Lily said threateningly.

"And I'll use my fire m-magic on you" Hanako threatened trying to role play.

" Ah! we better get going quickly quickly" Emi shouted "Hisao Rin, retreat!" she said flailing out the library.

"We're not even going to search the library now?" Hisao asked running after her.

"It's too dangerous!" Emi shouted dragging Rin by her hook.

"Don't let them get away after them" Lily ordered as she started running after them.

"Lily you're going in the wrong direction" Hanako shrieked.

The three of them took off down the hallway and towards the classrooms.

"Wait!" Hisao shouted slowing down and panting, Emi slowed to a stop.

"What's wrong Hisao?" Emi asked with genuine concern

Hisao pointed to his chest as he struggled to catch his breath.

"Is your hurting again again?"she asked.

"Yeah" Hisao admitted "Just a bit nothing serious."

"Do you need me to take you to the nurse?" Emi asked kindly.

"I should be fine I don't want to stop pirate day for you" Hisao said.

"Hisao tell me does it hurt?" Emi asked.

"Yeah" he nodded.

"Then we should see the nurse, it's what's best for you Hisao" Emi decided.

"If we spent time going to the nurse someone else might find the treasure first" Hisao pointed out.

"That doesn't matter" Emi smiled "Your safety is what's important. Let's go to the nurses office as slowly as you need to Hisao she offered.

Hisao reluctantly agreed to be led to the nurse's office. "It's weird that it happened now" he said "since I started running with you I've gotten a lot more durable. i thought I was okay just going a bit of exercise like that." he looked at her "I'm sorry about making you do this."

"It doesn't matter Hisao everybody can be vulnerable sometimes no matter how strong they may seem on the surface" Emi smiled "our my boyfriend so I don't mind helping you out like this."

The two arrived at the nurse's office and Rin sat in the waiting area.

"Are you okay waiting there Rin?" Emi asked.

"I'm fine I don't really care where I am. I've still got my head wherever I go so nothing really changes" she said.

Emi and Hisao knocked on the Nurses door.

His face lit up when he saw them "yo ho ho mateys that's a nice costume there Emi" he said.

"Thanks, I made it myself" Emi said brightly.

"So Emi managed to get you into this whole Pirate day as well?" Hisao said.

"Aye I suppose you two mateys will be wanting the location of the treasure. I was the one who hid it you know. Don't be thinking I'm going to give you any clues" Nurse said cheerfully.

"No we're not here about that actually" Emi said "It's Hisao's heart."

All joviality vanished from his face at once "I see is it hurting again?"

Hisao nodded. The nurse used a stethoscope and handed Hisao some more of his prescription drugs " There you go, that should put you back on **track. **Now for being so good does either of you want a lollipop?" he asked.

"No how old do you think we are?" Hisao asked.

Yes please" Emi said childishly grabbing a lemon flavored one.

The two of them left the office. In the waiting room Hisao encountered a familiar boy with glasses.

"Kenji what are you doing here?" Hisao asked. Kenji didn't look in a very good mood.

"Hisao is that you? I'm ill bro and that asshole won't treat me, I'm sick, he should be throwing all the drugs he can at me" he sniffed.

"What are you ill with?" Hisao asked.

"I've got flu" He answered "Man flu, the only manly way to get ill" he noticed Emi "Is it me or is your chick dressed weird today?" he asked.

"I'm not his chick" Emi protested.

"She's dressed as a pirate, Kenji it's pirate day" Hisao explained.

"Pirate day? I never heard of that it sound stupid to me" he said.

"So you're not taking part" Hisao asked.

"No and nobody else I know except for you is. I think only little kids like that sort of thing" Kenji said "I've got better things to do anyway" he sneezed.

Emi was visibly disheartened by his statements as they walked away out of the nurses building "I guess people really aren't interested in pirate day. I tried my best to make it a success and fun for everybody, but people thinks it's stupid."

"I don't think it is stupid Emi" Hisao said "it maybe could have been thought through better though. I mean the treasure hunt could have used a map."

"It was a failure Hisao" Emi sighed.

"No it wasn't Emi" Hisao said realizing something " It can still be a success, We can still win this Emi I know where the treasure is!"

"How where?" Emi looked confused.

_Put you right back on **track **_

"The nurse was trying to tell us where the treasure is hidden" he announced.

"So" said Emi excitedly "Where is it?"

"In the track shed! Where you and me um…" Hisao started.

"had anal intercourse?" Emi suggested.

"Emi don't say that sort of stuff out loud; Rin's around" Hisao panicked.

"Don't worry Hisao Rin already knows" Emi smiled.

"Yeah Emi tells me everything" Rin confirmed.

Hisao looked gobsmacked "what?"

"Now's not the time Hisao we've got treasure to find!" Emi said dashing off.

* * *

When they arrived at the track shed the door was open.

"There doesn't look like there's anyone around" he observed.

"That's where your wrong Hicchan" said a familiar voice.

"What? Who?" he asked swirling around

"Prepare for trouble..." the voice said

"..." a silence said

"To protect the school from devastation..."

"..."

"To denounce the evils of people being late for class and not doing their homework"

"That doesn't flow" Hisao pointed out.

"Misha!" she boomed.

"Shizune!" she signed.

"Student council; catching delinquents at the speed of light"

"…..."

"Wahaha that's right Shizune" Misha finished; trying to make it work.

"Damn it's the student council" Emi said clenching her fists.

"You know if you're going to rip off that motto you could at least do a better version of it" said Hisao.

Misha looked offended."Hicchan, me and Shizune spent nearly fifteen minutes coming up with that!" she protested. She'd tried as hard on her costume as Emi had, with a hat with a black skull and cross bones on it and a fake parrot on her shoulder. Shizune had a plastic cutlass with her.

"Scram the treasure is ours landlubbers!" Emi shouted boisterously.

Shizune signed to Misha and she said "Shicchan says there's no chance of that. She's the pirate queen and you will both be soon going to Davey Jones locker!"

"We can't stand for this Hisao let's show them what we're made of matey!" she said tenaciously "Are you in or are you out?"

Hisao raised his hands in front of him in peace"Sorry, I'm not fighting. I don't really want to do any of that childish stuff" he said.

She looked hurt "well fine if you don't want to do it I'll fight them myself" with that Emi darted forward towards them "say your prayers Pirate queen!"

"Wahaha let's take her down Shizune" Misha said grabbing her own plastic sword.

Shizune lunged at Emi.

She dodged.

"You're going to have to do better than that ye scurvy dog!" Emi cried.

"Captain Shizune says ye are doomed to failure" Misha laughed as she swung at Emi.

Again she dodged to the side.

"I'm quicker than you two you're never going to defeat me!" Emi shouted.

Emi lunged toward Shizune with her sword.

But Shizune was ready.

She blocked the blow with an almighty slash which sent Emi sprawling to the floor and her sword flying out of her hand.

"Wahaha we've got you now Emi" Misha laughed as they closed in on her. Shizune pointed her plastic sword at Emi's throat.

"Shicchan thinks that we should make you walk the plank and get turn you into turtle food what do you think?"

"Never!" Hisao screamed as he charged towards them with Emi's fallen sword in his hand.

"Impossible!" Misha cried

He swung at Shizune "Don't hurt my girlfriend!" he cried.

"Hisao" Emi said in delight "You're doing it."

"Yes I am" he said using a swing to disarm Misha "You looked out for me when me heart was faulty now it's my time to look out for you" he parried a blow from Misha.

"You'd do that for me?"

He smiled at Emi "I'll do anything for me wench! Even fight sea vermin like these!" he exchanged a few blows with Shizune. The fake swords clattered against each other.

"Shicchan says this childish and you should give up" Misha said as they forced their swords against each other.

"Childish? Childish? This isn't childish" Hisao scoffed as their swords clashed.

He looked Shizune right in the eye and bellowed

" THIS IS PIRATE DAY!"

With an almighty blow he used all his strength to sent Shizune's sword flying through the air.

Shizune's look turned to disappointment as she realized she'd lost.

"Yes Captain shark eye and her crew are victorious!" Hisao shouted.

Emi beamed in happiness "I knew I could count on you Hisao" she said.

Shizune scowled at them while Misha grinned "Looks like you won Hicchan well done."

"Aye" said Hisao helping Emi up from the floor "now to claim the booty eh captain?"

"Aye aye" Emi said as they entered the track shed.

"Where is it?" Hisao asked "it's got to be around here somewhere."

"Sorry Hicchan" called Misha from outside "You beat us in the fight but we found the treasure first so it's still ours."

"Shiver me timbers" Emi said angrily.

"Shit" Hisao agreed.

He sighed "so we didn't win the treasure, all this was for nothing."

Emi smiled at him "Don't be silly Hisao it wasn't for nothing. it was fun right?"

"I guess at the end" Hisao admitted.

"And we got to spend some time together" Emi added.

"Like a romantic activity right?" Hisao grinned.

Emi nodded "Yeah."

"I did enjoy it" Hisao said "But not because of the pirates or the treasure or anything like that. It was because I was spending it with you Emi" he kissed her softly on the forehead "I always want to be with you Emi" he whispered.

"I always want to be with you as well " She looked at him seductively "Now Hisao are you ready to plunder my booty?"

"You bet I am" Hisao said as he undid his pants.

Rin stared at them as they started to undress "I ought to go" she said to her self. She turned her back on them and left "Emi will tell me all about it anyway."

As Hisao and Emi made love he realized something. It didn't matter that they hadn't found the treasure, the girl that was next to him was worth more to him than any treasure in the world could ever be. With this in mind he held her closer and whispered "I love you" into her ear. She turned to him and he added with equal sincerity "And I love pirate day too." She smiled at him and they embraced; feeling closer in their relationship then they ever had before.

* * *

Please review if you'd like to. Any feedback is very good.


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